So my world crashed. I caught a cold. Big whoop I hear you say?
Sunday morning 2 weeks ago I had a thought of a thought that I may be getting perhaps a tad ill.
Sunday night I was vrot (in South African vernacular that means rotten).
Monday morning I went to the GP. Repeat Tuesday. Repeat Wednesday. Wednesday I was admitted to hospital. Fast forward 8 days and the Multi Drug Resistant Bronchospasm and asthma I have finally started letting up enough for me to be discharged.
Fast forward a further 6 days and I still feel vrot. Only difference is that now I have a nice doctors bill to pay off.
Add a touch of depressed, a sprinkling of steroid induced irritation and a boatload of I’m just so tired of this shit and you have something that approximates how I feel right now.
Then my sister, the only real family I have left that matters (apart from my mom that is elderly) mentions that for job security they may have to emigrate to New Zealand.
Last night was a blur of tears and sleep and tears.
I don’t quite know how I got to this place of isolation. This place of if my sister leaves I have no one to really lean on or rely on. This place of financial strain and physical ridiculousness.
This place of sadness.
Growing up I don’t remember having dreams of a family and kids and what what.
But surely I did?
And now I am here.
No family. No kids. Isolated perhaps, alone definitely. Not necessarily lonely. Just very alone.
How do you change a reality?
I wouldn’t even know where to start.